I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
