Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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