As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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