I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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