Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You need Xanax blowdarts
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
