Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
