i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
