her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
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