Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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