Why are handjobs necessary in class?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
