No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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