You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
