either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
