I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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