Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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