i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
