I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
