My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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