i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
