you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm always down for nudity.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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