He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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