I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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