I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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