I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
