you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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