he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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