I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
