im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
