Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
