I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
