I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
