It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
