Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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