sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
