I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
