$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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