i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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