I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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