yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
