I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
