just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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