Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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