hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
