The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
