Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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