my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
