You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
