at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
