I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
