So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
